i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
