We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
