i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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