Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
