dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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