we have pet lesbian snakes
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
