My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
