I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
