Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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