Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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