she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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