Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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