I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
only if we run a train.
done.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
