Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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