I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
