My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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