I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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