I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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