Kiss
Puke
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
