i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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