remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize