Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
