omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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