ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
