my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
