i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize