I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Im part way to drunk.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
