I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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