just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
