I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
