so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
