I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
