Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
