sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
