Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
