i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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