Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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