would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
