im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
