Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
there is puke in my bra ... again
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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