I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
