He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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