I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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