Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
