I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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