question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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