my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
