i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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