Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.

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(925): View more from California

While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."

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(954): View more from Florida

i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.

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(310): View more from California

Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes

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(559): View more from California

I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.

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(310): View more from California

The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear

(310): View more from California

We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.

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(972): View more from Texas

idk i usually just blame everything on steve

(214): View more from Texas

Steve quit two months ago

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing

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