his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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