Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
