I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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