Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
