I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
