who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
