you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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