After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
