Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
