When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
