I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
