you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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