brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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