Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
