I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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