he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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