I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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