Say something about gay babies.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
