just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
