road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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