so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
