i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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