if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
