Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Did you just see the Batmobile???
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
