do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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